After the Easter Vigil I sped to the Common Room, rejoicing with all the novitiate sisters at our lively Easter celebration. Sister Mary Frances, Sister Joanna, my fellow postulants: everyone was there. Everyone was celebrating the Resurrection of the Lord! I rejoiced with them. Christ had fought and defeated death, alleluia!
The Common Room had been decorated with a Lord of the Rings theme. Hobbit shades of green and gold were the party’s primary colors, and an intricate map of Middle Earth hung from the nearest wall. The novice mistress even did an impressive performance as Lady Galadriel, here to deliver “dragon eggs” to the novitiate. The metallic gold eggs turned out to be bundles of all the letters we’d received during Lent! The Sisters laughed and cheered with excitement at this exquisite treat.
Speaking of treats, the Common Room was overflowing with them. All the desserts donated to the Sisters over Lent were now brought out for our enjoyment. There were homemade cake pops shaped like Cookie Monsters, Russell Stover Easter eggs, Reese’s peanut butter cups, jellybeans, and so much more.
“Happy Easter, Sister Mary Joan!” Sister Lucia called. Her braided hair bounced over her shoulders as she rushed to my side.
I grinned and gave her a warm hug. “Happy Easter, Sister!”
The two of us bounded about the room, chatting with everyone, exchanging Easter greetings and celebrating in high sanguine style.
Sister Lucia, Sister Natalie and I stayed up until two in the morning, talking Lord of the Rings, before we finally headed upstairs. The night had been so incredible, I didn't want it to end.
Alleluia, He is risen! He is risen, indeed!
Easter Sunday
The Sisters, never one to skip a good Mass, celebrated all over again at the Easter morning liturgy. The chapel was filled with beautiful music and the scent of white lilies. Afterwards, all the Sisters gathered in the refectory for a long, leisurely breakfast.
That evening we watched the first Hobbit film. My favorite part was when the dwarves sang together about their mountain home. It was a festive, restful day, still overflowing with the incredible joy from the night before. I read my letters from friends and family throughout the day, enjoying being reconnected with life at home.
Unlike at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I didn’t feel homesick at Easter. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect place to celebrate Easter than in the convent. And I knew I would see my family in just a couple months, for the postulant home visit.
No, all in all Easter was a satisfying experience for me, from the first moments of Palm Sunday to the last Easter Alleluia. I felt happy and hopeful about the days ahead.
Easter Monday Revelation
The Sisters met for Chapter during the first Monday of each month. Postulants were not invited to the Sisters’ community meeting, so Sister Anna assigned us to clean up duty and study hall instead.
Most of the postulants had already finished their chores in the kitchen. I was scrubbing the last of the pots and pans, feeling bored and a little restless. After the excitement of the last week, it felt kind of dull to be spending the evening cleaning and studying.
I picked up some serving spoons from the drying rack and headed back into the serving room. Only a few other postulants were still cleaning up, including Sister Lucia.
Let’s see, I think these spoons go in here… I opened a drawer by the handwashing station.
Quick as lightning, Sister Lucia rushed over and shot me a look of exasperated fury. She pointed emphatically to the drawer on the other side of the sink.
In here!
I placed the spoons in the correct drawer, then retreated to the dish room. I was alarmed by my friend’s sudden, angry reaction.
The rest of cleanup passed by without incident, but I was still dwelling on Sister’s outburst as I headed back to the novitiate. As usual, I made a brief chapel visit before heading upstairs.
The serving drawer opening. Sister Lucia’s indignation. The miserable way it made me feel.
Why is this bothering me so much?
I was sure Sister Lucia wasn’t very upset with me—if she was still upset about it at all. It was just one of those things that can happen when you live in community.
An intense sensation, like an interior nudge, interrupted my thoughts.
It’s not Sister Lucia’s reaction that’s bothering me. It’s something else—an old memory.
That exact combination of relative peace, followed by a sudden angry reaction, followed by my own humiliation: this had happened to me before.
In the winter of 2000, someone whom I loved got very angry with me and hit me. In front of everybody, at a party. They apologized later, but they never explained why.
I was 14 then. I wasn’t sure what to think. What had I done to deserve this? To make sense of it, I decided someone must be to blame: me.
“There’s something wrong with me,” I started telling myself. “Something very wrong.”
Every time I made a mistake or couldn’t measure up, those same words would pass through my head: There’s something wrong with you, Mary.
With piercing clarity, I finally saw it: that incident from when I was 14 happened just months before my back pain began.
That’s the source, I realized. The psychological reason for my back pain!
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Thank you so much for reading! Sorry to leave you with such a cliffhanger ending…join me next week for more!
About the Author:
Mary Rose Kreger lives in the metro Detroit area with her family, where she writes fantasy for teens and blogs about her spiritual journey: before, during and after the convent here and at www.maryrosekreger.com